As some of you may or may not know, both of my children were born via cesarean section. With it being Cesarean Awareness month, I thought it would be fun to tell my story.
Most of us mothers can agree that a cesarean section isn’t our first choice when it comes to our delivery plans but sometimes that’s the way it goes. I never really had a ‘birthing plan’ but of course my intentions were a normal birth. All I knew was I definitely wanted an epidural. This mama wasn’t ready to experience a natural birth, the contractions were enough.
In December 2013, my son was five days overdue. I went to my weekly OB appointment, thinking I was going to plan my induction and continue working until then. So I waddled my way up onto the table for my doctor to check my dilation, and within a few seconds all I hear is
“Welp, I don’t think your heading back to work, I think I just broke your water”.
THANK YOU DOC, I AM READY.
I headed over to the hospital, called who I needed to call and was ready to get this baby out. As much as I was ready to get this boy out, he wasn’t ready. Not one bit. We waited and waited for any teeny bit of dilation change. Nothing. So here came the Pitocin, hours later.
Finally, the contractions began and a little under 24 hours later I was ready to push. Did I mention they predicted my son to be around 8-9lbs?! Yeah, I was a little nervous to push that dude out. After twenty minutes of pushing, an episiotomy, and a vacuum my sons heart rate was dropping, quickly. So, emergency C-section it was. I was rushed to the OR and within 20 minutes, my beautiful 6lb 14oz boy was born.
Yeah, SIX pounds. So much for an 8-9 pounder. Thanks for freaking me out doc.
In the back of my mind, I felt like I failed at birthing my son. But, after having him in my arms, my entire heart filled with happiness and relief. My little boy and I were healthy, and that was all that mattered. Everything was worth it.
After 8 months of being a mother, I had to received emergency back surgery. All from carrying and attempting to give birth to my son. You can find that story here.
A little over three years later, in February 2017 I was preparing to give birth to my daughter. This time was a little different though, my cesarean section was planned.
I met my current husband in 2015, when my son was a little over a year old.
When I found out I was pregnant with our daughter, I knew this was going to be his first child. Fear overcame me when I started to think of my back and what he would think knowing he might not get to experience the ‘normal’ birthing process of his daughter.
I was afraid he would be upset to not be able to experience the labor, holding my hand while I had contractions, and the actual anticipation of me pushing and giving birth to our beautiful baby girl.
Although, there was the risk of uterine rupture, I decided to try for a VBAC.
So that was our plan, we’d wait it out until I go into labor and I would try a vaginal birth all over again.
Everything was going great, I was so excited to be able to attempt a second vaginal birth. We knew she would be a little one, so I thought it would be a breeze. Then we hit about 35 weeks and I was crushed.
My daughter was breech, so a repeat cesarean was mandatory for the health of my daughter. I was heartbroken. The feeling of failure overcame me once again and I broke down. Knowing that there was nothing I could do to change my birthing options now; my husband was the most supportive man. He didn’t care about how our daughter was brought into this world, he just wanted us both happy and healthy. I was the mother of his child and he’d never love me any less then he does now. In fact, knowing that I was carrying his child made him love me even more. To this day, I appreciate him more then he’ll ever know.
So here came February 6th, 2017. The day we picked to give birth to our daughter. As much as I was upset that I couldn’t attempt a VBAC, the process of a repeat cesarean section was very relaxed and calm. I knew what I was about to go through and I was ready. My husband and I were both ready. He was waiting for this day to come for years. He was so excited to become a father and to make his parents grandparents. We also couldn’t wait to give my son a sibling.
We arrived at the hospital around 10AM, expecting to go into the operating room around 1PM. After waiting and waiting, not to mention I couldn’t eat or drink all day… at 3:30PM I go on back. My husband had to stay back at first while they inserted my epidural and numbed me which slightly made me nervous because all I wanted was him next to me, but once I was ready and that lovely blue sheet went up, he was right by my side, ready to welcome our girl.
The doctor came in, introduced herself, and explained every single step of the process with us during my entire surgery. My husband and I stared at each other the entire time and were impatiently waiting to hear our daughters first cry.
Finally, we hear “here she comes” and at 4PM exactly we heard her first little cry. My husband sat his forehead on mine and we cried together. Our bond felt stronger than ever.
After a few moments, he went over to cut the cord, and then brought our little girl over so we could meet her together.
My heart was so full, our little girl was here and she was completely healthy. At that moment, all the feelings of failure disappeared. I just had my second major surgery to give these beautiful little humans life. This wasn’t the ‘easy way out’. Cesarean mothers go through just as much as mothers who give birth naturally. We all have the heal afterwards, just in different ways. We all bleed, we all cry, and we all become new mothers to a beautiful little baby that will love us no matter how they came into this world.
I am a proud cesarean mother, and I wouldn’t change how my children came into this world one bit. They are healthy, energetic, intelligent kids that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Happy Cesarean Awareness Month!