My Appreciation For My Husband

I’m going to get a little mussy for a second, and take a moment to brag about my hubby.

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Last night the kids and I stayed at my parents house because I had some appointments to go to that were down that way. I decided to meet my husband for lunch since we didn’t see him much of yesterday, and I had both kids with me. Of course, Monday’s are a hectic day for him, so we were only able to pick him up, order some Chick-fil-a through the drive thru and drop him back off. He knew he had people relying on him at work, and although we knew how much he’d rather sit and eat with us and avoid everyone who needed him, he went back in and most likely skipped lunch all in general. On my ride home, I had to explain to my son why he couldn’t eat with us. I told him that as much as he would have loved to eat with us, daddy was a hard worker and didn’t want to let anyone down. My son answered back, “Yeah, that’s good. He’s my best friend. I’ll be able to see him later”. My heart melted.

As you all may or may not know, I met my husband back in 2015. Not only did he have to accept me into his life, but he had to take on my 1 year old son also. We were a package deal, if you want me, you got my little man also. Without hesitation, my husband took him in like he was his own, and from that day forward we were all inseparable. It’s not easy taking on someone else’s child, it’s one of the toughest jobs you could put on somebody. The way my husband handled this whole co-parenting situation was more than I could have ever asked for. He still handles it just as well, three years later. That’s just the beginning of my appreciation towards him.

My husband is one of the most hard-working men I know. He will work all day and night just to make sure the kids and I are taken care of. He has put in overtime and even picked up a second job at times just so we don’t have to struggle. Words can’t even describe how much the kids and I miss him during the day, but he was raised to be the provider and the hard worker. He will give his last dollar to help someone in need. He’s always looking to better himself, and won’t stop until he succeeds.

When I became pregnant with Liliana, I was lucky enough to stay at home with my kids during the day. He wanted me to be the one to raise the children while he paid the bills and provided for us. Not only does he handle his daily work load at his full-time job, but he comes home, helps me take care of the kids, and even cooks dinner for us at times. He’s also in school to get his degree. He knows I have my moments where I am stressed and my anxiety is through the roof at times. He just scoops the kids up, fixes them dinner and lets me have some time to unwind. He’s my hero, and I always want him to know that.

Besides all the hard work he puts forth, the way he loves our kids and I is the most amazing feeling I could ever ask for. He has a heart of gold and never fails to let us know how much he loves us. He is a trusting, reliable, selfless man and he never would let us down. I don’t get to say often how much I appreciate him, but I do more than anything in this world. He has put up with my moodiness, my tears, my anxiety, and my pain better than anyone ever has. Just the other night he sat in the Emergency Room with me for twelve hours and didn’t want to leave once to grab some food because he didn’t want to leave my side. Not to mention it was from 5PM to 5AM the next morning. It was a long night, but he made sure to keep my needs before his.

I just want to say thank you to him. Thank you for being my rock. Thank you for never hurting us in any way. Men like him are hard to come by, and sometimes they need to be recognized for that. I love my husband with all my heart.

That Mom Guilt and Anxiety

Good Morning Ya’ll!

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Now that I am a mother, I never realized how much anxiety I truly have. When I was younger and baby free, I never took my anxiety into consideration. Now looking back, I can tell I’ve suffered from it my whole life but motherhood took it to a whole new level. There should be true diagnosis of ‘Mom Anxiety’ because when it comes to my babies and trying to navigate their needs while keeping a clean home, the struggle and pressure can be immense. I even have anxiety for things that are years away from happening, seriously the struggle is real. I’m pretty sure my husband thinks I’m crazy. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m that mom who always thinks something will happen when I’m not there. It could be something positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. I see mothers who love to get away and love to have their me time with not a worry in the world…I wish. Maybe they hide it well because my worried face stands out like sore thumb and the mom guilt kicks in.

I’ve gotten better at handling my anxiety lately, since I know I have two tiny humans who rely on me, but it’s still there. Now with two kids, and trying to cater to both of their needs simultaneously while also trying to keep a clean, cheerful home leaves me often feeling deflated. The overwhelming feeling of anxiety builds up quick, when finding time to play with Kyle and Liliana, cleaning clothes, washing dishes, and getting dinner on the table piles up in my head. But bad days happen, and I often need to find what keeps me calm and collected so I can continue being the best mother and wife. When Liliana was younger, it was easier to please both children. I knew how to navigate her needs a little easier while having extra time to play with Kyle while she napped. Now that she is crawling and moving all over the place, it’s harder. Evenings are also difficult for me because my husband and I sleep upstairs in our bedroom, while the kids are downstairs on the main floor. The anxiety builds to the point where I have trouble sleeping at night because I know they are on the main floor. I always think ‘what if someone breaks in’ or ‘what if a fire starts’. I keep a monitor on my four-year-old son still, just so my anxiety can subside at night while we sleep.

The mom guilt is inevitable. You know that guilt when you put your child in front of the TV so you can drink coffee peacefully and fold laundry. Or when you take your children to their grandparents so you can have some free time with your husband, or even just to grocery shop alone. Just tonight, my husband and I are going to be three hours away to attend our good friends annual Christmas party, and the mom guilt of leaving Liliana with her grandparents has already set it and we haven’t even left yet.

I also can’t forget about the guilt of leaving the kids with Daddy so you can get your nails done or have your hair touched up. This is terrible to say as a mother, but what about me? What about some healing time for us mothers? I’ve come to realize that those moments of “me” time are what help navigate my needs to help me be the best mother and wife I can be. That hour and half that I’m away by myself doing something for me are what help me cope with the daily struggle of anxiety and mom guilt. It relaxes me, and gives me peace in my own mind. Along with my away time, I always try to give myself a nightly, baby free bubble bath with a glass of wine. Just to relax after a long day, and to prepare my mind for another anxiety filled day in the morning.

Yes, sometimes it is a little easier said than done though. The mom guilt always kicks back in full force. What if my kids are looking for me? What if Liliana won’t stop crying? What if they need mommy? But in all honesty, I believe us moms need that time although our kids constantly run through our mind. We go through a lot, more than some people can understand. Yes, our husbands work hard every single day, but us mothers do also. Whether we stay at home or work a full-time job. Motherhood is one of the toughest jobs out there. We are molding little minds into intelligent and hard-working adults. We are responsible for that. If that doesn’t give you some anxiety, I praise you then. I’ve come to realize that mom guilt and anxiety is normal. Every mother just copes with it differently. It could be yoga, meditation, a massage, or as simple as drinking a cup of coffee alone. Just make sure you get that time in, you deserve it.

What about you? Do you mothers go through the anxiety and guilt also? How do you cope?

Have a good Saturday! xo

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My Life as a Stay at Home Mom

Before I quit working full time, I thought staying at home with the kids all day was going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I thought I would be able to relax all day in pajama’s, catch up on my shows or watch some Netflix, play with the kids, and be completely stress free. Well let me say, I was wrong. Staying at home may be harder than working full time (at least in my opinion). There’s no doubt that it’s more rewarding because I get all day with my children, but it’s definitely work; lots and lots of work. One thing I learned while staying home is there is not enough hours in the day. Trying to juggle raising two wild children while keeping up on house work, is a challenge. Let me tell you…

When my second child was born I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my kids during the day. My husband was able take over all bill payments, so that we didn’t have to fork out an extra grand a month for childcare for our daughter.

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I’m quite sure that I only get to sit about two hours out of the whole day, if that. My day must start with coffee, or nothing gets accomplished, so as soon as Liliana gets up she gets a bottle and I get some coffee. I do get to relax for maybe 15 minutes while she plays then my hectic day begins.

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My son gets up every day around 7:15AM, so he can get ready for Preschool. Once he’s up, I start making him breakfast. While he is eating I make his lunch, pick out the kid’s outfits, and get Liliana ready. Once he’s done eating I get him ready, myself ready (if there is any time), and off to Preschool he goes. It’s about a 20-minute drive to Preschool, so I’m in the car driving for about an hour and a half a day, just to get him to and from daycare, but I love where he goes so I’d never choose somewhere closer, it’s worth the drive. He goes to a small Preschool in Maryland that he and I just love. The teachers are phenomenal, the kids are so intelligent and full of life. I can’t even begin to express how much my son has learned there. He’s only there for half a day so there is only 3 hours in between dropping him off and picking him up.

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Once Liliana and I get back home she’s usually hungry, so I make her some food and feed her, then give her the rest of her bottle. For some reason, she refuses to hold her bottle, so usually I need to hold it for her. During that time, I try to get some breakfast in for me. Between all the baby shenanigans, you can’t forget the laundry, dirty dishes, what’s getting made for dinner, making phone calls, going to preschool events and meetings, running errands, and most importantly cleaning the house.

For me to get those household duties completed, cartoons must be on the TV 24/7 or Liliana wants Mommy. There goes the whole catching up on shows or watching Netflix theory I had in the beginning of this SAHM journey. I’m pretty sure I can recite every song from the show she watches. I’m not sure if other moms have heard of it, but she is glued to ‘Little Baby Bum’ on Netflix. It’s just a bunch of nursery rhymes that play for about two hours with a bunch of characters. She absolutely loves it.  Without that show, getting household chores done would be impossible.

Before I know it, we need to head back out the door to go pick up Kyle. Within the three-hour time frame, I usually manage to get done my workout, the dishes and one load of laundry. Usually on Mondays, I’ll be able to get my meal prepping in, then another day out of the week I go to the grocery store, which I must do while my son is in school because this mama is not doing a grocery trip with two crazy kiddos unless Daddy is with me! There are also our Target trips, which could easily last a good hour.

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Once Kyle is home, it’s nearly impossible to keep the house clean. I clean up the same toys every single day, I usually just want to give up on cleaning his room. It’s like a daily cycle for us moms. Coffee, get the kids to school, get the baby fed, clean up toys, dinner, repeat. Those are the last things I want to do, and it always feels like I never have enough time in the day to just play with my little ones, so you always need to make sure you make time for that also. Sometimes the household duties can be put on pause. It’s a never-ending battle between playing and cleaning.

I don’t know about ya’ll but my kids already love to torment each other. It has already begun, and Liliana is only ten months old! I usually don’t have a voice by the end of the night after all the yelling I do. Maybe that’s why I’m a lover of wine. Kyle loves taking toys from her, then tries to suck up to her after taking them by telling her it’s okay. Then he’ll get very lovable towards her, hugging and kissing her continuously, which makes her scream since he’s in the way of her cartoons which then makes her pull at his face, and he starts his whining. These two loves each other so much, but annoy each other at the same time. They are my sour patch kids, I can’t help but adore them, but I’m pretty sure I can hear their screams in my sleep.

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This is all exactly why I LOVE crock pot meals. They simplify dinner, yet taste so delicious. If my kids and husband eat it, I am satisfied. I must say though; my husband is the best cook in the household. He has me beat, which I honestly am SO grateful for because he loves to cook sometimes, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. We all then know once dinner is over, it’s the baths and getting ready for bed. I am lucky enough that both my kids love bath time, so that is a breeze (thank goodness, because by that time I am ready to crash).

Once the babies are in bed, my day doesn’t end. We need to fold laundry, wash even more dishes from dinner, I make my husband’s lunch for the next day, then I try to have some quality time with my husband before we both crash, which isn’t long at all. Did I forget to mention that I work some evenings for a few hours to pay for Kyle’s preschool?! Yeah, sometimes I feel like supermom, and sometimes I feel like I don’t have my shit together, and I’m a hot mess.  One of the hardest adjustments for me becoming a stay at home mom is not having my own income. Yes, I work sometimes, but that pays for daycare. My husband is my life saver, he is the provider of the income, he is the reason I’m with my babies all day and he always makes sure we are taken care of.

I’m am a walking zombie most days, but the stay at home mom life is for me. It is FAR from easy, and you should never underestimate a stay at home mom. We don’t work 9-5, we work sun up to sun down. We have our good and our bad days. We struggle sometimes and can barely get through the day, and our house stays a mess. Most days I am ready to pull my hair out, but being with my kids all the time makes it completely worth it. I don’t have to worry about missing time with them or question what they are up too. They are always there with me every step of the way, through the good and the bad. I honestly don’t know how I did it with my son working full time. I do praise you moms with full time jobs, I couldn’t see myself away from my babies that long out of the day anymore. They grow way too quickly and the stress of having a clean house is fine by me. I would easily take over all the household responsibilities just so the kids are with me all day long. I am blessed to have such an amazing husband who works his butt off to give us what we have today. No matter if you’re a full time working mom, or a full time stay at home mom. We ALL bust our booty’s to keep our family going, and us moms should all stick together and NEVER judge another mom because our lifestyle is different. We can all learn from each other, and that’s one thing I enjoy about being a mommy blogger. No mom’s life is easier then the other, we all want to raise our babies to be successful adults, and that’s a challenge in itself.

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